Lab Laughs

Chronicles from the Flat Baseline Society

Lambert’s Analytical Precision

Professor Beer was carefully cutting a birthday cake for the department, trying to ensure every slice was perfectly equal. Lambert stood right next to the counter, sitting perfectly upright, tracking the knife's movement with absolute, unwavering intensity.
Vis laughed, nudging UV. "Look at Lambert's eyes. He is acting like a high-resolution photodiode detector."
UV nodded in agreement, smiling. "Exactly. He is evaluating that distribution curve down to the microliter."

Lab LaughsLambert

Lambert’s Focus

Professor Beer was trying to teach Lambert how to sit patiently during a long kinetic scan. He held up a high-value liver treat right at Lambert's eye level.
Lambert sat perfectly still, eyes locked onto the treat, unblinking and completely focused.
UV looked over from her bench and whispered to Vis, "Look at Lambert. When there's a snack involved, his pathlength concentration is absolutely flawless."

Lab LaughsLambertProf Beer

Please Give Good Data

A researcher whispered to the spectrophotometer:

"Give me good data."

The instrument replied with silence.

But the spectrum was perfect.

Lab Laughs

High Quantum Efficiency

UV was typing away furiously on her laptop, executing data analysis at lightning speed. Vis walked by and placed a freshly brewed cup of tea on her desk.
"Wow, thanks, Vis!" UV cheered, taking a sip. "My system just received a major surge of energy."
Vis beamed, "Just trying to keep your quantum efficiency at 100%, colleague!"

Lab LaughsUVVis
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